Building Meaningful Relationships

The following is an excerpt from my book, Daniel Generation. For special promotions on the English edition, Spanish edition, or audiobook, visit our website.
 
One significant key to healthy relationships is emotional intelligence (EQ). This consists of understanding our own emotions and those of others. Developing emotional intelligence and soft skills—those people skills that help you succeed in today’s work environment—often requires more intentional effort than it did in the past. Due to the increasingly virtual nature of our interactions at home, school and work, we experience significantly fewer face-to-face interactions than did previous generations. While Millennials and Generation Z individuals are especially adept at communicating online, valuable intimacy gets lost in virtual communications. Quantified Impressions reported that the average adult today makes eye contact between 30 and 60 percent of the time in conversation. Emotional connection is built when eye contact is made during 60 to 70 percent of the conversation. When there is less eye contact, fewer connections are made. Virtual connections, while valuable, cannot replace the emotional connection and sense of wellbeing that occurs with eye contact, touch and physical presence. So, what can we do to grow ourselves and help others grow in their EQ?
 
Self-awareness is the first element of good emotional intelligence. This involves incredible honesty, authenticity and humility. Without self-awareness, however, relationships usually stagnate. Here are a few tips to consider for pursuing healthy self-awareness:

• Pay attention to your emotions. Watch how you respond to situations, and journal your emotions. Honestly acknowledge if you need help learning to manage them, and find that help.
• Seek honest feedback from trusted family, friends and coworkers. Do not become defensive, angry or discouraged with what you hear. Graciously thank them for what they share, and request their help in improving areas of weakness.
• Ask yourself why you respond the way you do, and understand the values and views that motivate your emotions. If needed, find help to identify emotional triggers and learn how to respond more effectively.

Once we begin to focus on self-awareness, we are better able to manage detrimental emotions. Self-management is critical to relationships and leadership. Zig Ziglar once said, “You must manage yourself before you can lead someone else.” Here are a few ways to work on managing powerful emotions:

• Give yourself time and space before responding to an emotionally disturbing text, post or conversation or making a big decision. Pause and reflect, seek wise advice, or sleep on it.
• Set aside time for reflection and problem solving. Our lives are so full of noise and distractions that it is easy to respond hastily and unwisely to people and situations.
• Find someone who is skilled in managing their emotions and responding to others. Ask them to mentor you. Be open to what they tell you.   

As we work to understand and manage our own emotions, we must also increase our social or relational awareness and skills. Good friends and leaders pay attention to how others might be feeling so that they can respond appropriately. Social skills require constant intentionality throughout life as we engage different types of people in a variety of situations. Here are some good reminders regarding social skills:

• Engage fully with the person/people with whom you are interacting. Make eye contact and smile; watch body language and facial expressions; remove distractions.
• Practice the art of asking open-ended questions and active listening.
• Build trust by showing you care, by taking feedback well, by gracefully tackling difficult conversations and by explaining your decisions and actions.

I encourage you to find resources to further develop your emotional intelligence no matter what level it is today. One great book to get started or to use with a young leader you are mentoring is Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Bradberry and Greaves.

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