The following is an excerpt from my book, Daniel Generation. For special promotions on the English edition, Spanish edition, or audiobook, visit our website.
One significant key to healthy relationships is emotional intelligence (EQ). This consists of understanding our own emotions and those of others. Developing emotional intelligence and soft skills—those people skills that help you succeed in today’s work environment—often requires more intentional effort than it did in the past. Due to the increasingly virtual nature of our interactions at home, school and work, we experience significantly fewer face-to-face interactions than did previous generations. While Millennials and Generation Z individuals are especially adept at communicating online, valuable intimacy gets lost in virtual communications. Quantified Impressions reported that the average adult today makes eye contact between 30 and 60 percent of the time in conversation. Emotional connection is built when eye contact is made during 60 to 70 percent of the conversation. When there is less eye contact, fewer connections are made. Virtual connections, while valuable, cannot replace the emotional connection and sense of wellbeing that occurs with eye contact, touch and physical presence. So, what can we do to grow ourselves and help others grow in their EQ?
Self-awareness is the first element of good emotional intelligence. This involves incredible honesty, authenticity and humility. Without self-awareness, however, relationships usually stagnate. Here are a few tips to consider for pursuing healthy self-awareness:
The following is a guest article, written by Ariana Chaparro. Ariana is a recent high school graduate and is now taking a gap year before college to explore different career paths and interests.
A few years ago, a friend of mine was going through a challenging situation. I knew about some of her struggles and wanted to share my thoughts and advice, but I was worried she wouldn't listen or would think I was judging her and turn me away. I truly cared about her and needed to find a way for her to see that. I knew she would only listen to me if she knew I was genuinely listening to her.
Sometimes we're too quick to give our opinion, share our advice, or shut others down because we think they're wrong. Yes, sometimes the other person is wrong, or they do need our guidance, but there's a time and place for that. There are situations where we need to say something immediately, but other times we just need to listen, empathize, and try to understand where the other person is coming from.
As time went on, my friend started to open up to me, and for a while I just listened. There were definitely moments I wanted to cut in and share my thoughts, but I waited. I learned that she did not need me to tell her the same advice that everyone was already giving her and opinions that others were already throwing at her. She needed someone to listen and honestly care about how she was feeling. She needed somebody to encourage her when no one else would. Eventually, she opened the door for my thoughts and advice, and she listened! She considered what I had to say because she knew I had the whole picture in mind, not just an outside view.
Maybe you know someone going through a tough situation. Perhaps you have a friend who is living a lifestyle you think is wrong. Maybe you have a child who doesn't listen to what you say or fights back when you try to help.
Take a step back. Look at the bigger picture. If you can’t see the whole situation or understand their point of view, ask them to show you. We cannot expect to reach someone when we don't really know where they are. It may take a while. It might be hard for others to open up because of things we've said before or past experiences with broken trust. There's a time and place for everything. Sometimes it's not the time or the place for us to speak, but to just listen.
In a 2014 Ted Talk, David Brooks discussed two sets of values that we can pursue in our lives: resume virtues and eulogy virtues. Resume virtues are those accomplishments and capacities we can represent on a resume. Eulogy virtues are those characteristics and attitudes that are discussed in our eulogies. While most of us would agree that eulogy virtues are more important, we live in a culture that consistently affirms resume virtues. If we are not careful, as mentors, leaders, and parents, we too can affirm resume virtues over eulogy virtues in the lives of young people around us.
Brooks described how the two sets of values, or sides of our nature, work by different logics. The external logic that drives resume virtues is economic; the internal logic that drives eulogy virtues is moral. Tim Elmore and Andrew McPeak, in their book Generation Z Unfiltered, summarize the attitudes of these two sets of values or selves. The resume virtues tend to be worldly, ambitious, innovative, curious about how things work, and focused on accomplishment and success. The eulogy virtues tend to be humble, good, strong, curious about why we are here, and focused on honoring others, love and redemption.
In a world of standardized tests, social media posts, and a competitive global economy, it is easy to overemphasize those virtues that help get good grades, social media likes, and competitive job. As adults, we may unintentionally emphasize these virtues for Gen Z as we celebrate their resume virtues via our social media posts, and challenge or coach them regularly on school or work skills and accomplishments. Resume virtues are important, however, if they are overemphasized while eulogy virtues are underemphasized, we may find ourselves leading young people who lack internal motivation, a sense of moral direction, and empathy for others.
Gen Z needs encouragement to think beyond resume virtues and consider eulogy virtues. As an individualistic generation, they need to be reflective and determine their personal values, something that does not often happen in our busy, noisy world. Elmore and McPeak offer several suggestions to consider as we encourage young people. First, have them write their own eulogy, identifying key values. Consider also writing yours and sharing it with the young person you are mentoring. Second, ask the young person to identify actions that reflect those values they have identified. Third, ask them to put the actions that have been identified into practice. Last, provide support and encouragement.
What are ways that you currently encourage and affirm resume values in the lives of young people? Eulogy values? What are additional ways you could encourage the development of eulogy values?
I was recently presenting on Gen Z, discussing the impact of cancel culture on young people today. Someone in the audience asked what cancel culture is so thought I would talk about it briefly here. The Cambridge Dictionary defines it as: "a way of behaving in a society or group, especially on social media, in which it is common to completely reject and stop supporting someone because they have said or done something that offends you."
While cancel culture is currently playing out in significant ways in our society as anyone from celebrities to CEOs can get "cancelled" for saying or doing something that is offensive to someone or a group of people, it is also a very real part of young people's personal lives. A 2019 New York Time's article, Tale's From the Teenage Cancel Culture, offered some powerful quotes from teenagers on the effects of cancel culture. Neelam, a 17-year-old explained, cancel culture is "a way to take away someone’s power and call out the individual for being problematic in a situation,” Neelam said. "I don’t think it’s being sensitive. I think it’s just having a sense of being observant and aware of what’s going on around you."
The article quotes another 17-year-old, Ben, who highlights one of the difficulties of cancel culture. He said, "people should be held accountable for their actions, whether they’re famous or not, but that canceling someone 'takes away the option for them to learn from their mistakes and kind of alienates them.'” The Cambridge Dictionary agreed that "the main argument against cancel culture is that it doesn't enable people who have wronged society the opportunity to apologize and learn from their mistakes."
Young people today are often living in fear of saying or doing something, or associating with someone or something, that could get them cancelled. They can also struggle with understanding the power of unconditional love, repentance, forgiveness, restoration and redemption in a culture that simple cancels those who make mistakes or do something that is deemed inappropriate or offensive.
As parents, leaders, and mentors, we need to model the reality that love, forgiveness, and restoration can exist in relationships. By providing relationships that are strong, safe, and supportive, we can help young people gain perspective and hope to live humbly, honestly, and confidently.
For more on this topic, check out this month's episode of The Leading Tomorrow podcast.
The following is an excerpt from a blog post by Steve Moore. Steve is an author, speaker, and president of Growing Leaders. To read the full post, visit the Growing Leaders blog.
When transition collides with disruption, we can feel the need for an intermission. For students, this is often described as a “gap year,” and it is a growing response to the pandemic.
Research by the Art & Science Poll Group conducted in the summer of 2020 found that “Roughly one in six high school seniors say they definitely or most likely will not attend college in the fall because of the coronavirus; of those, 16 percent plan to take a gap year. That compares to fewer than 3 percent who have taken a year or more off between high school and college in the past.”
According to Year On, “Whether you decide to gap with a program or your own self-structured gap year, the personal, social, and academic benefits of gap years are indisputable.”
What Should Happen in a Gap Year?
One of the common and preferred components of a gap year is international travel. The pandemic increased the number of students taking a break while eliminating the possibility of exploring the world.
How can we help students experience the benefits of a gap year when they can’t leave?
1. Exchange adventure for curiosity.
Even if you can’t travel you can be curious. How could curiosity open a door for self-directed learning and the seeds of passion in your life?
2. Expand opportunities by growing your network.
You probably already know or have access to the people who can help you get where you want to go in life. They are friends of your parents or the parents of your friends. Make it a priority to connect with them. Leverage your curiosity to grow your network by asking questions. Relationship building is a critical skill for any career. Here are a few questions to help you get started:
3. Advance your career by investing in yourself.
College isn’t an end in itself. It’s to prepare you for a career, but don’t start with a career. Start with you. As Parker Palmer put it, “Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am.” The gap year is a perfect time to slow down for some self-discovery and personal development with a special focus on self-awareness.
4. Create an alternate ending.
It’s not healthy to deny or ignore the disappointment you feel about the disruption of your expected transition into life after high school. You may feel guilty about embracing these feelings because others have been affected in much worse ways by the pandemic. Begin where you are emotionally, then imagine yourself as a screenwriter, creating your own transition experience that brings closure to one season and opens a door to another.
Could This Happen During a Pandemic?
We began thinking about our current parameters (social distancing and remote learning) and how a young adult might still be able to experience an incredible “gap year.” What if a student could continue whatever they’re doing, but participate in a “virtual gap year?”
What if they could join a community of young adults who want to keep growing; who want to avoid getting stuck, but who may not be flourishing on a college campus yet? So, we are hosting a Virtual GAP Year. We’re focused on helping students create a Get Ahead Plan (GAP). The six-month experience begins and ends with a virtual event, supported by monthly engagement through video training, virtual cohort meetings, and two one-on-one coaching sessions.
We’re excited about this opportunity and would love for you to consider:
For more information, visit myvirtualgapyear.com
Do you know a student who could benefit from this opportunity? Encourage them to apply. Use the promo code LT2021 to waive the $50 application fee. Contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org with any questions.
The National Student Clearinghouse released their latest college enrollment numbers on October 15, 2020. They are showing that a month or so into the fall 2020 semester, undergraduate enrollment is running 4% below last year’s numbers. “Most strikingly, freshman students are by far the biggest decline of any group from last year, with a decrease of 16.1% nationally and a 22.7% drop at community colleges in particular. First-time students account for 69% of the total drop in undergraduate enrollment.”
It is not surprising that many undergraduate students may be putting their college plans on hold amid uncertain times. This means a lot of students who might otherwise be in college are doing something else right now. I couldn’t help but wonder what this season looks like for those who are waiting to reengage their college plans. While mental health risks for college students were high prior to the pandemic, we are now seeing an increase in depression rates for college students since the beginning of the pandemic. It is critical for students today to have support and encouragement in this season as they make decisions that will allow them to thrive amid the uncertainty.
If you know a college-aged student who has put their plans on hold, or who is reconsidering their plans, here are a few ways to encourage them:
Here at Leading Tomorrow, we are excited to be partnering with Growing Leaders and nexleader to offer a 6-month virtual gap year experience, beginning in January 2021. We will be working with students to pursue their goals and create a personal Get Ahead Plan (GAP). For more information visit the website. Do you know a student who could benefit from this opportunity? Encourage them to apply. Use the promo code LT2021 to waive the $50 application fee. Contact us at email@example.com with any questions.
Last time, I wrote about some of the challenges facing Millennials and Gen Z while practicing social distancing. These include the increased potential for loneliness, anxiety, and depression. Here, I would like to share a few strategies for those of us who are parents, teachers, mentors, and leaders as we seek to engage and support the young people in our lives at this time.
- Pause and be present. As my husband and I have been juggling work with the kids at home full time, I often feel like I am always scrambling to catch up. Last night, my daughters were tired and stressed. So, we turned off all the devices, and just sat together in the dark stillness of the living room for a while. After a few minutes, one of my daughters started sobbing. When I asked her what was wrong, and just waited, she began sharing a situation that was making her feel stressed. We talked about it and I was able to encourage and affirm her. Everyone went to sleep with smiles. Sometimes, amid the busyness, whether it is with our kids, a student, or a young colleague, we need to make sure we are creating spaces to just pause and be present with them.
- Be proactive and intentional. As we are having fewer face-to-face interactions these days, it is important to be proactive and intentional to ask young people how they are doing. Engage them with open-ended questions (What is most difficult for you during this time? How are you feeling about…? What activities help you? How can I support you?). Practice active listening skills. Asking good questions and attentively listening is one of the best ways to communicate interest, care, and support. In many cases, young people do not need us to give them the answers, they just need to feel like they are not alone, and that someone is encouraging them as they work out the solutions.
- Extend grace. We are living in unprecedented times as globalization and technology are accelerating the change and impact of events in our world. We are absorbing information and change in ways people have never experienced before. While daunting for all of us, young people often lack the experience and maturity that help provide perspective and stability. As a result, we need to extend some grace when behaviors, statements, and attitudes in the lives of those around us are less than optimal. Love and acceptance help create opportunities for speaking wisdom and encouragement that can equip a young person to grow through this time.
- Model healthy coping skills. Many of us are managing extra stress and anxiety these days. One of the greatest gifts we can give young people is to model and engage them in healthy coping strategies. Take your kids for a walk or bike ride and get some exercise instead of turning on a movie. Have a “game night” with colleagues or extended family and talk while you play cards over video chat. Set aside time to “unplug” from all devices and read a book or build a puzzle. Serve someone in your community together.
History shows us that adversity and difficulty can build resiliency and character, if engaged effectively. As we mentor the young people in our lives, may we leverage the opportunities during this unprecedented season to build memories and skills that will help them for a lifetime!
More and more Millennials are stepping into leadership and management positions. In many cases, they are overseeing various generations. Their teams can include Generation Z, now entering the workforce as college graduates, to Boomers, who are sometimes the age of their parents or even grandparents. This age diversity produces challenges for even experienced managers. For Millennial managers, often navigating their first supervisory role, it can produce stress and uncertainty. Here are a few reminders for Millennial managers as you learn and grow as a leader:
Gen Z (b. 1996-2012) is being raised and educated in a culture of fear. This is the result of many factors. We live in a post-9/11 world, marked by ongoing wars and terrorism, an economic recession, and 24/7 coverage of global, domestic, and personal tensions, trauma, and anger streaming into our lives via our smartphones. Many adults have succumbed to the perspective that the world is an uncertain, dangerous, and scary place. As a result, we work diligently to protect the young people in our lives. We monitor them via video feed throughout their infancy and track them by GPS when they get older. We feed them organic food, buckle them into every seat they sit on, give them helmets and knee pads, and keep them in safe, enclosed spaces. We discourage them from doing anything dangerous or risky, citing the great harm that could befall them. They listen as we talk to one another in frightened or angry tones about what is happening in the world or with our neighbors. They see what we post on social media. They get the message repeatedly that the world is a scary and unsafe place.
In a world perceived as dangerous and uncertain, safety has become the priority. This has had some positive results. Jean Twenge reports in her book, iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy—And Completely Unprepared for Adulthood, that there are several positive indicators of increased physical safety for kids and teens today. Homicide rates, sexual assault and rape, and alcohol consumption have all been on the decline. However, there are some other troubling statistics emerging. Depression, anxiety, and suicide among young people are on the rise. In fact, some experts believe that Gen Z is on the verge of a mental health crisis.
Twenge explains how we have not only focused on physical safety for young people today, but also on emotional safety. We have taught them to be tolerant and that they should never be made to feel uncomfortable emotionally. As a result, many do not know how to handle criticism, conflict, or even conversation about tough issues in a healthy and constructive manner. Instead, many young people see words and social interactions as potentially dangerous and harmful.
The emphasis on physical and emotional safety is promoting an aversion to any kind of risk or danger. We neglect to teach and model that it is in failing and experiencing pain that we realize how strong and resilient we are. Healthy conflict, disagreement, and dialogue are where we learn new things, gain diverse insights, and deepen our understanding of ourselves, others, and important issues. It is only through getting hurt that we can ever truly learn the beauty and power of forgiveness and healing. So, while safety is important, it can also be dangerous. Too much safety can strip young people (and the rest of us!) of desperately needed confidence, resilience, perspective, and hope.
So, how can we encourage young people in our lives to avoid the inherent risks of too much safety?
The following is a guest post by Dr. David Geisler, President, Norm Geisler International Ministries and an Adjunct Professor at Southern Evangelical Seminary.
I remember that day! I was sitting on a bench at the student center watching others go to and from class and suddenly I started to cry. It became very clear to me at that moment that if any of these students didn’t accept Jesus Christ sometime in their brief life, their destiny would be finalized! By then it would matter little how well they did on their exams, or what kind of success they saw in their careers. Without Christ, they would all be separated from God for eternity.
Fortunately, witnessing back then seemed easier. There was a certain respect for the Bible, and students were open to hearing about Jesus. I remember reading a gospel booklet to a student in their dorm during that same time period, and the listener prayed to receive Christ that very day! Sadly, that kind of approach doesn’t seem to work anymore.
Why is that? Put succinctly, the gospel remains simple, getting to the gospel is not. Consider for example how many today view morality as a personal preference, like ice cream flavors. Some may prefer chocolate, others may prefer vanilla, but who can really say which one is better! That’s how some view moral choices. Yet reducing morality to a mere personal preferences makes many in our culture tone deaf to hearing the gospel message and blind to seeing it’s relevance to their life in any way!
Today, if we are going to effectively communicate the truth of the Christian message, simply repeating old formulas is not enough. We have to rethink our approach to witnessing, and include something else, called “pre-evangelism.” Pre-evangelism is tilling the soil of their hearts and minds, removing the rocks and obstacles of disbelief, helping them to see how lost they are. After all, it’s hard for them to see their need for savior, when they don’t believe they have any sins to forgive!
One day a student said to me, “Why can’t God just let me into Heaven?” It was clear to me that in his question, his view of himself and of God was skewed. So many young people today will say that they believe in God, but then tend to overestimate their own righteousness, and underestimate God’s holiness. These distortions in their beliefs make cultivating good soil for the gospel to flourish in their lives a much greater challenge (See Matthew 13:19-23).
This means at times, we may have to help others see the world through a biblical lens, before they can see any truth in the Christian message! Unfortunately however statistics show that we are failing this task! Today, 25% of Americans have no religious affiliation, and 45% of these are millennials! Now helping others to see through a biblical lens means practically that we start by helping our non-believing friends recognize the distortions in their beliefs. The truth is that many have deceived themselves and believe they can explain moral goodness in general without reference to a belief in God! Other who say they believe in God may deceive themselves by overvaluing their own moral goodness, as well as undervaluing God’s moral standards or believe somehow that God grades on a curve. Some have even allowed certain distortions in their perception of God’s nature to develop a crippling undervaluation of the uniqueness of Jesus Christ. But if these distortions can be identified and removed, many will be more receptive to hearing about the Savior.
Last summer while training in Italy I had a conversation with a young skeptic. His question to me was this: “How can you believe the Bible when it was written by so many different people, who were imperfect?” Now, the truth I wanted him to understand is this: if God can do the big miracle, then He can do the little miracle.
Here was my question: “Would you agree that if there is a God who created the universe, then He’s powerful enough to ensure that what He wants to communicate to us reaches us, even through imperfect people?” His response to me was revealing. He said, “I see how that would make it less problematic.” He came to his own, unforced conclusion, a conclusion that he could not deny.
This illustration demonstrates the value at times of changing our old witnessing paradigm, and “allow others to surface the truth for themselves by asking them probing and thought-provoking questions.” (See our book Conversational Evangelism to learn this art!) Very rarely today can we simply just tell people the truth directly. Most non-Christians are even offended when we try to “share with them” where they are wrong. They see our approach as downright offensive, maybe even evil for pushing our “truth!” So we must remember that even if we know what truth to communicate to people today, based on the questions and concerns they have, we still need to discern what’s really the best way for them to “see this truth for themselves.” This too is an important factor to keep in mind in reaching millennials today. Like the men of Issachar in 1 Chronicles 12:32, we too need to better understand the times in which we live, and know what we should do!
To better understand this pre-evangelism paradigm, check out our book, Conversational Evangelism and our web-sites ( www.ngim.org/speaking and www.conversationalevangelism.com and www.conversationalanswers.com ) and our new channel www.vimeo.com/davidgeisler.
Norm Geisler International Ministries is offering two courses: Conversational Evangelism Fall 2020 and Conversational Evangelism (Self-Paced).
Dr. Jolene Erlacher is a wife, mommy, author, speaker, college instructor and coffee drinker who is passionate about empowering the next generation of leaders for effective service!