Leading Tomorrow
  • Home
  • Areas of Interest
    • Blog
    • About
    • Testimonials
    • Resources
  • Podcast
  • Speaking
    • Corporate Topics
    • Education Topics
    • Military Topics
    • Faith-Based Topics
    • Missions and Ministry
  • Coaching
  • Shop
  • Contact

BLOG

The Power of a Good Question

10/31/2018

1 Comment

 
Picture
​A recent study revealed that 18 to 22-year-olds are the loneliest age group today. There are a variety of factors that contribute to this troubling statistic. One, of course, is the prevalent use of technology in our society today. While devices help us connect to people in new and beneficial ways, there are some drawbacks. Empathy, for example, has decreased as technology has increased. One study reported that college students are 40 percent less empathetic than they were 20 or 30 years ago, prior to the widespread use of the internet. Screens dull our ability to feel the pain and joy of others and to connect with them emotionally. This presents a threat to deep, committed relationships that are impossible to maintain without continuing empathetic interaction.

While Millennials and Generation Z are especially adept at communicating online, valuable intimacy often gets lost in virtual communications. Quantified Communications reports that an average adult today makes eye contact between 30 and 60 percent of the time in conversation, but emotional connection is built when eye contact is made during 60 to 70 percent of the conversation. When there is less eye contact, fewer connections are made. Virtual connections, while valuable, cannot replace the emotional connection and sense of well being that occurs with eye contact, touch, and physical presence.

Leaders and managers today often report that young staff lack the relational skills and emotional intelligence to connect with others effectively. In many ways, it is the older generations who must take responsibility for this. When we hand a 5-year-old a device instead of answering their tenth question about giraffes or princesses, we rob them of an opportunity to develop face-to-face communication skills and connect with us in a way that is meaningful to them. When we miss the body language or facial expressions of a 10 or 12-year-old in our life because we are busy checking our social media feed, we lose the opportunity to model good emotional intelligence. When we avoid a conversation with an 18 or 20-year-old in our life because we assume their earbuds mean they don’t want to talk to us, or we fear rejection, we miss an opportunity to demonstrate sincere interest or unconditional love.

Young people today need opportunities to practice healthy relational skills, and they desperately need to see them modeled. Many leaders, mentors, teachers and parents I talk to, however, do not know even where to start in actively engaging the young people in their lives. What I have found, in interacting regularly with 5 to 25-year-olds, is that there is great power in a good question and active listening. I have yet to encounter a young person who did not respond positively to someone sincerely asking about their perspectives and concerns. True, there might be an eye roll or two at first, but when they see you persist in your interest in them, despite their eye roll, trust and respect begin to develop.

So, what does a good question entail? First of all, it must be open-ended. If it allows the young person to respond with a simple “yes,” “no,” “good” or “bad,” a grunt or sigh, it is not a good question. Instead, it should require some thoughtfulness. Instead of asking, “Did you have a good day at school?” try something like “What was the best part of your day at school?” The response to a good question should give you some insight into the young person’s life and provide an opportunity for a follow up question. For example, if they respond that the best part of their day was chatting with a friend, you could follow up with a question like, “Tell me about your friend? How did you meet?” A good question can thus communicate that you care about what they care about. Check out some other great sample questions here.

Good questions are one of the most powerful ways to demonstrate interest, gain empathy, and develop deep connections. As a result, they are a critical tool for all of us as we interact in a society that is increasingly distracted and busy. Make it a goal to practice asking good questions and taking the time to listen actively to the responses. 

1 Comment
Hai Snow link
1/24/2019 07:27:24 am

Asking an important question is the most important habit that a person needs to develop to become an innovative thinker. I think it is a great deal to gain deeper insights. Also, it helps to develop more inventive solutions. When you will ask a question, you will certainly get an opportunity to learn. If you want to deliver the best service to your client, then you have to ask questions. Because questioning is the key approach to understanding the client needs. However, when are asking questions, make sure it is an open-ended one.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Dr. Jolene Erlacher is a wife, mommy, author, speaker, college instructor and coffee drinker who is passionate about empowering the next generation of leaders for effective service!

    ​To view more articles by Jolene, visit sites below:
    MN Bridging the Gap
    Missio Alliance
    Ministry Matters

    Archives

    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    September 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    July 2018
    April 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    July 2017
    March 2017
    November 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    April 2016

    Categories

    All
    Church
    Coaching
    Communication
    Culture
    Education
    Generation Z
    Leadership
    Mentoring
    Millennials
    Parenting
    Relationships
    Social Media
    Technology

    RSS Feed

  • Home
  • Areas of Interest
    • Blog
    • About
    • Testimonials
    • Resources
  • Podcast
  • Speaking
    • Corporate Topics
    • Education Topics
    • Military Topics
    • Faith-Based Topics
    • Missions and Ministry
  • Coaching
  • Shop
  • Contact