This past month, I had the opportunity to do several parent seminars on one of my favorite topics, tech-smart parenting. Social media is always a critical part of those discussions. Whether you love it or hate it, Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat are a part of relationships in our society today. The impact of social media is significant not only for youth, but adults as well. I am a writer and researcher, and part of my job is considering the implications of these forms of communication on how we think and interact. However, that does not mean I am exempt from their effects. Recently, I have found myself reflecting on how my social media use influences my thoughts, perspectives, and emotions…and, I must admit, I don’t always like my realizations.

While I enjoy social media for its ability to keep me connected to friends and family around the world, inform me of the joys and sorrows of those I love, and provide perspectives from real people, I find myself struggling against some of its influences. It is often difficult to avoid comparing my life to others, being frustrated or disappointed in some posts that I see, being distracted checking updates, and thinking of activities around me for their “postable” value, rather than just completely enjoying moments and interactions. I must admit, there are days that social media takes more from my relationships than it gives.

One of the weaknesses of social media is its ability to distance us from real people and their emotions and needs. In a face-to-face conversation, a pregnant friend would be cautious to narrate her pregnancy experiences to a friend who was struggling with infertility or who had recently experienced a miscarriage. We would not celebrate our child’s academic success to a loved one whose child was experiencing severe learning disabilities. Likewise, we wouldn’t brag about new purchases or expensive vacations to a neighbor who had just lost his or her job, or our weight loss and workout routine to a friend who was struggling with health issues. Such behavior is self-centered, insensitive and hurtful. Nonetheless, innocent posts on social media can have the same effect. Of course, the broad audience we interact with via social media makes it hard to always consider individual perspectives and needs, but I think most of us can admit we need to consider others more when we share information.

Too often, I post something because it is a point I want to make, something I want to celebrate, or a moment I want to share. While that is not necessarily bad, if my considerations when posting are primarily about me…what I want or how I feel…then perhaps my motives need to be reexamined. Consistently putting my desires or needs first is destructive in any relational interaction, including those on social media. I must ask myself, am I choosing to consider the needs, perspectives and feelings of others? When I share something on social media, what are my goals and who am I thinking of first?   

While social media is truly a wonderful tool, like any tool, it has to be used well or it can become destructive. We need to be thoughtful regarding the effect social media is having on us and relationships in our lives. Sometimes changes in our habits or perspectives are needed, for ourselves, as well as those young people who are watching us as they learn to navigate healthy relationships and communication with technology. 

The following guest article was written by Josiah Cassellius, a Millennial manager and co-host of The Leading Tomorrow Podcast. 

If you have ever looked into retirement investing you have likely come across a term called compounding interest. The earlier you put money into investments, the more you will have over the course of time as the interest compounds and grows your initial investment. If you keep putting money into a good fund, check in on it from time to time to make sure everything is still on course, compounding interest will be a significant reason you have a comfortable retirement.

Unfortunately, many people continually put off beginning those investments, believing they can better utilize the money themselves, and they miss out on those long-term gains. In much the same way, leaders feel the same pressure to simply plug holes today and kick the can of future gains down the road. They see a project that needs to be done quickly and, instead of teaching someone how to do the job, they simply do it themselves, or delegate to an experienced worker. When the same type of problem arises again, and it always does, it requires attention, and the leader again needs to take care of it themselves, taking up their valuable time. If they had followed the early investment strategy, they would have taken short-term losses, but the long-term gains would have increased.

There are promising young people entering organizations every day, talented individuals who simply need a guiding hand to show them the ropes and give them a chance. Unfortunately for many of these young people, there are not enough experienced leaders who are able or willing to sacrifice time in the present to teach them.

When I got my first full-time job, I had the good fortune of finding favor with my manager, and he took time to train me on a handful of tasks, and then he left me to accomplish them. When he returned I had done the work, and had some follow-up questions. This happened over and over until I had a good grasp of most of my area. After that, my manager simply needed to ask me to do something, and a task was accomplished without him needing to be involved, because he had invested in the short-term, he was able to see gains in the long-term.

As leaders we sometimes struggle to believe that someone will be able to learn what we already know, or we believe that we can do it better or faster ourselves, and that it’s not worth the effort to train someone else. When we go this route, we miss something very important: compounding interest. A good leader, like a good investor, will put in some work, and then allow the investment to grow.

While it is important to not interfere with an investments’ growth, it is critical to check in on it from time to time to make sure it is still working as efficiently as possible. Good leaders employ this approach with their followers: they invest in good people and allow them to work unimpeded. They check in with them from time to time and offer appropriate direction and affirmation, make sure they are still on track to meet the stated goals, and encourage them to pass on their knowledge to even newer workers. Using this approach, a good leader can multiply themselves, and find they are doing less work, while getting more results. Their employees or volunteers will be happy because the organization is operating smoothly, and everyone is growing and expanding their skillsets. The earlier the investment into younger leaders begins, the more time they will have to grow, and the greater the return on investment will be.

In his short story, A Christmas Tree, Charles Dickens writes: “I have been looking on, this evening, at a merry company of children assembled round that pretty German toy, a Christmas tree.” He describes the wonder of the children as they looked at the ornaments. “This motley collection of odd objects, clustering on the tree like magic fruit—some of the diamond eyes admiring it were hardly on level with the table, and a few were languishing in timid wonder on the bosoms of pretty mothers, aunts, and nurses—made a lively realization of the fancies of childhood.”

Our children today do not have the same experiences as the children Dickens describes. Lights on a tree hardly hold the same wonder when they compete with high definition screens. Imaginations are not ignited with wonder, sitting and staring at twinkling ornaments, when they are stimulated instead by continuous noise from handheld devices. Furthermore, innocent ponderings are interrupted by mature content, flowing into our homes and lives via technology.

Tim Elmore, in his book, Marching Off the Map, describes, “We have now begun to experience a strange paradox in our young: The extinction of childlikeness; the extension of childishness.” He explains that the “infectious flow of information” is exposing our kids to adult topics. As a result, they can “lose (1) their sense of innocence, (2) their sense of wonder and (3) their sense of trust.”

Not only are we losing our child-like wonder today, but also our ability to connect with our environment, the way people used to engage the beauty of simple things like Christmas decorations. Kirsten Weir wrote a fascinating article, “Never a Dull Moment.” She explains how in today's technological world, it's unusual to be stuck with absolutely nothing to do. “Most of us are bombarded by near-constant stimuli such as tweets, texts and a seemingly limitless supply of cat videos right at our fingertips. But all those diversions don't seem to have alleviated society's collective boredom.” She cites Psychologist John Eastman who says the reverse may be true. "These might distract you in the short run, but I think it makes you more susceptible to boredom in the long run, and less able to find ways to engage yourself," he says.
 
Weir reports that several researchers concluded boredom is best described in terms of attention. “A bored person doesn't just have nothing to do. He or she wants to be stimulated, but is unable, for whatever reason, to connect with his or her environment.” Connecting, and helping others connect, with the environment around us is critical as we seek to develop meaningful moments and lasting memories this Christmas. Most of us are used to our environment stimulating us, and if we are bored, we reach for a device. We have lost some of our ability to connect with each other. When we get together for holiday parties, and family gatherings, we often struggle to stay engaged with the people or activities around us and can be tempted to seek stimulation in our social media feed, text messages, or email notifications. 

Creating meaningful memories may require some discipline and planning. We can start by being aware of when we are tempted to pull out our device, instead of engaging with someone who is in the room with us. We have to be intentional in creating focused time for interaction. For example, designing a fun box for phones and encouraging people to drop theirs in during family dinner. Planning some interactive activities (games, discussion questions, collaborative project) can give people tools to engage with each other rather than turning on video games or a movie. We must practice good emotional intelligence by asking questions, engaging others in conversation, and modeling for kids how to build relationships.

In her article, Weir cites researcher Van Tilburg. "We saw that boredom actually increased people's tendency to recall these very nostalgic memories and actually made them feel that life in general was more meaningful." Some boredom is essential to the wonder that Dickens described! It creates room for the most nostalgic and memorable moments to occur and be remembered. So, this Christmas, don’t just hand the kids a device, rather sit down with them to play a board game, decorate cookies, or share stories by the fire. When they complain about being bored, just smile!

“Why are we learning this? If I ever need to know it, I can just Google or YouTube it.” A common question for Generation Z learners, it often makes a lot of sense. Gone are the days of needing to memorize long lists of facts, dates, and processes to have them available for quick recall. While memorization still has a role in learning, it has changed dramatically with the presence of instant answers at our fingertips.  
The prevalence of technology impacts education and learning in a variety of ways. No longer do students need teachers to access information. In many cases, my students are now sharing new information with me! What they do need help with is assessing, processing, interpreting, and applying the information they access. As many proponents of the “flipped learning” model explain, we need to move from being the “sage on the stage” to the “guide on the side.” 
Another effect of technology is that our attention spans have shortened. Many say the average American now has an attention span of eight seconds, less than that of a goldfish! As a result, sitting and listening to a lecture or lengthy presentation is extremely taxing to young learners. They did not grow up watching the cartoon at the date and time the network chose to air it. Rather, they have been choosing, interacting, posting, and sharing according to their preference via screens since early in their learning. They need to engage with content in order to relate to and learn it.   
One of the best paradigms I have encountered for helping me design better learning for Gen Z is the EPIC model. This concept was initially introduced by Leonard Sweet, and is further discussed by Tim Elmore in his book, Marching Off the Map. EPIC teaching is a great approach to connecting with today’s students. It stands for experiential, participatory, image-rich, and connected. Here are a few questions to help us think about what this might mean for our teaching.  
Experiential 
Does your lesson or presentation allow for students to experience the content? Can they see it, touch it, smell it, feel it? Could you incorporate a simulation, role playing exercise, or experiment? Perhaps a field trip, out-of-class assignment, or even an internship could help students engage the content in an active way.   
Participatory 
Are students able to participate in this lesson? Do they have some choice in how they interact with the content? Can they insert their questions, opinions, and ideas about the information into a conversation, chat, or presentation? Discussion, group projects, assignment choices, and online tools are great ways to get students participating with a lesson.  
Image-Rich 
Recently, I sat on an airport shuttle and observed the high school student in front of me communicating with several friends via Snapchat. With great speed and accuracy, she opened each chat, viewed the picture, then took a quick selfie with an individualized expression in response to that specific chat message and sent it in reply. In under a minute, she had read (or viewed) 4-5 messages and responded with pictures she took right then. I was impressed. Gen Z often communicates in images. The more we can incorporate pictures (perhaps even having them take the pictures!), illustrations, videos, or examples into our lessons, the more effectively they will be able to engage the information.  
Connected 
​It has been noted that Gen Z often connects in isolation. This is true. They can sit in their bedrooms, and connect with friends, ideas, and information from around the world. They are used to connecting and learning through engaging with others. As a result, we need to ensure that learning incorporates connecting with others, hearing different ideas, and getting input. For some younger students, connecting in person can be difficult. We may need to provide some direction, structure, and coaching for this to occur effectively. As we do so, we are not only teaching the lesson objectives, but also important social and emotional skills that are sometimes getting lost in today’s technologically connected world.  
When I am preparing to present to audiences where there are Millennials or Gen Zers present, I assess my lesson through the EPIC grid to ensure I have experiential, participator, image-rich, and connected elements. I want to ensure that younger learners can engage with the material, visualize it, and process it in order to understand, engage, and retain it!  

​More and more Millennials are stepping into leadership and management positions. In many cases, they are overseeing various generations. Their teams can include Generation Z, now entering the workforce as college graduates, to Boomers, who are sometimes the age of their parents or even grandparents. This age diversity produces challenges for even experienced managers. For Millennial managers, often navigating their first supervisory role, it can produce stress and uncertainty. Here are a few reminders for Millennial managers as you learn and grow as a leader:

• Be a learner. In leadership positions, we often feel pressure to know it all and have all the answers. The reality is that no one really has it all figured out and acting like you do only undermines your credibility. If there are more experienced individuals on your team, ask them for their perspectives. Learn about the history of the organization and team. Seek to understand why things are the way they are before you begin to change them. This can help you avoid mistakes of the past. 
• Know your people. In today’s incredibly diverse workplaces, there is no one management style that is going to work for everyone. Take the time to get to know the individuals on your team. I highly recommend, when possible, having them do an assessment (ie. Enneagram, MBTI, StrengthsFinder, IPSAT) to learn more about how each of them approaches their work. Also, take time to talk with them individually, this can be a simple check-in occasionally, or regular weekly or monthly meetings. Look and listen for indicators of what they value (order, punctuality, quality time, words of affirmation, a gift) and make efforts to honor these values and communicate appreciation in ways that are meaningful to them. 
• Embrace failure. You are not going to do everything right. You are not going to make everyone happy. That is part of leadership. All of us fail, even after years of experience. What matters most is how we fail. Do we try to ignore our failure, blame others, or make excuses? These responses will undermine your leadership quickly. The best leaders acknowledge when they fail, they apologize when needed, and they learn from their mistakes. They embrace the potential for personal and professional growth in their failures. Good leaders seek out the resources and make the changes that enable them to avoid repeating mistakes. So, when you fail, don’t panic. Recognize it as an opportunity to demonstrate your character, model humility and integrity, and learn and grow. Your team will appreciate you for it! 

Healthy leadership requires incredible self-awareness, courage, and sacrifice. As a new manager or leader, you need support. Find a mentor or friend who can encourage you, help you process the situations you are navigating, and provide honest feedback. You’ve got this!

Professor and generational researcher, Jean Twenge released her book, iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy—and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood—and What That Means for the Rest of Us. Packed with powerful research and statistics, it presents a profound glimpse of the challenges and opportunities facing iGen, or Generation Z, those born 1995-2012. Here are some of the findings of Twenge’s research:  

The oldest members of iGen were early adolescents when the iPhone was introduced in 2007 and high school students when the iPad entered the scene in 2010. This makes them the first generation to enter adolescence with smartphones already in their hands. 

In Twenge’s research, people answering the questions were representative of the US population in terms of gender, race, location and socioeconomic status. With only a few exceptions, the generational trends appear across all of these demographic groups. This points to the power of technology to transmit culture and norms. iGen includes 74 million Americans, about 24% of the population. 

Despite feeling pressured and busy, iGen teens are spending less time on homework, paid work, volunteering, and extracurriculars combined than older generations did at their age, not more. iGen teens are less likely to go out without their parents, date, have sex, drive, work or drink alcohol. The number of teens who get together with their friends every day has been cut in half in just fifteen years. This is due in large part to concerns about safety and young people being able to connect via devices and not needing to go out to talk with friends.  

However, research shows that teens who spend more time on screen activities are more likely to be unhappy, and those who spend more time on nonscreen activities are more likely to be happy….all screen activities are linked to less happiness, and all nonscreen activities are linked to more happiness. Depression has skyrocketed in just a few years, a trend that appears among blacks, whites and Hispanics, in all regions of the United States, across socioeconomic classes, and in small towns, suburbs, and big cities. In 2016, for the first time, the majority of entering college students described their mental health as below average. 

With iGen’ers less likely to work, manage their own money, and drive in high school, perhaps they are not developing the resilience that may come from doing things on your own. 

So, what do we do to help Gen Z maximize the opportunities around them and minimize behaviors that can be detrimental to their mental and emotional health?  

• Encourage them to do something on their own that they have never done before (go on a mission trip, serve in the community, set up an account in person, interview an older relative). Debrief the experience with them.  
• Ask them about the impact they feel technology is having on them. Invite them to do reduce their technology use for a designated period of time and discuss how they felt.  

• Encourage them to do things in person when possible. Have them invite a friend over, plan a party or small group, or go visit Grandma instead of playing video games or surfing social media.  
• Talk about mental and emotional health, and factors that can contribute to well-being like good sleep, in person communication, and silence and reflection.  

Generation Z is a cohort with amazing information and tools at their disposal. As mentors, leaders, parents, and teachers, we have a responsibility to help them access that information and leverage those tools in ways that can help them be successful and healthy. 

Take advantage of opportunities this summer to help Gen Z with these Twelve Ideas for Student Activities This Summer.

Many churches, non-profit organizations, and missionaries are experiencing an aging donor base and significant financial challenges as a result. When long-time, committed donors retire, younger donors are often failing to fill their role as a new generation of sustaining supporters. John Dickerson, in his book, The Great Evangelical Recession, reports that “each subsequent generation is giving less than the previous generation, even as they mature.” Responsible leaders today must consider alternate ways of funding their ministries and services as we look to the future. In the meantime, we must consider how to engage a new type of donor. Many Millennials are incredibly generous. They are, however, a different type of donor and require a different style of engagement. Here are some tips for fundraising with younger generations:   
 
1.Tell the stories (vs. the stats) 
Older generations usually want to know where their money is going and what it is accomplishing…in measurable terms. As a result, many organizations emphasize numbers in their fundraising efforts. This is not bad, but most Millennials are much more concerned with the individuals impacted than they are with measurable outcomes. Stories matter significantly to them. A powerful story of a specific person or group your ministry or agency is serving, along with some great pictures or video that bring the story to life, will go much further than a graph indicating the numbers achieved. I am hearing more and more of individuals and organizations producing two reports or newsletters to meet the needs of diverse donors. 

2.Provide short-term giving opportunities 
Many non-profit organizations rely on sustaining donors, those who commit to give regularly for an extended period. Unfortunately, some Millennials are not able to be this type of donor. Saddled with student debt or struggling to find a good job, they are focused on their own financial stress. Even those with jobs are often uncertain how long they will stay in that position (most young adults are changing jobs every couple of years). They are, therefore, uncomfortable making indefinite financial commitments. Find ways to provide one-time or short-term commitments (special projects, six-month commitments, etc.). Use social media, your website, and other forms of communication to keep your needs before them (remember, tell the story and use pictures to make the impact of their gifts personal and real!). Make it easy for them to give online (preferably from their smartphones) when they have the resources to do so.  
   
3.Request funds for people (vs. programs) 
Millennials have lost faith in many institutions. They have seen the effects of corruption, bureaucracy, and mismanagement in a variety of programs and organizations. While older generations often believe in programs to accomplish great things, Millennials tend to believe in people to accomplish important things. As a result, they follow, prioritize and support people over programs and institutions.  They are more likely to give to an individual or need they know about directly or read about on a crowdfunding site (where they can use their credit card to donate in that moment) than they are to contribute to a capital campaign for an established organization. 

Tim Elmore, in his book Generation iY, explains that many young people “really do desire to change the world; they just don’t have what it takes…when the work becomes difficult, they change their minds and move on to something else.” He describes their involvement in important causes as “limited to buying a ‘Live Strong’ wristband or signing a petition on a Web site.” While this is certainly not true of all young people, it unfortunately does represent the unwillingness of some to sacrifice or contribute in traditional ways. It is important to understand, as we seek to develop new financial partners, that there may be fewer who are willing to contribute the way previous generations have. Even as we work to engage a new type of donor, we need to be creative as we think of new funding models and opportunities to sustain our work into the future.  

I was recently in a discussion about what to do as a ministry leader when colleagues are not committed to and following through on organizational policies. This led to some observations that respect for authority has changed. There are several reasons why views on authority are changing, especially for those who are younger.
 
One major factor for decreased respect for leaders is the shrinking (or collapse) of power distance. In the past, experience, education, positions and titles meant an individual had knowledge, expertise, influence and information (ie. power), so they deserved respect. This power distance was physically represented by the distance from the podium to the students, the pulpit to the congregation, the corner office to the cubicles, etc. With changes in culture and technology, power and respect for authority are changing (a great book on this is The End of Power by Moises Naim). A 13-year-old can post on Twitter as easily as the President; students in my college classes can Google more information in 5 minutes than I learned in 6+ years of graduate work; a teenager can get more followers and influence on YouTube in three weeks than established experts sometimes do in a lifetime; and our congregations can listen to podcasts of other pastors all week long.

Power or authority can no longer be gained or leveraged through title, experience, knowledge or position. Influence, respect, and the right to be heard or hold people accountable must be earned through trust, authenticity, humility, service and relationships. We must be sure as we are building our organizational or team culture that we are doing so relationally. This is the best way to win and maintain respect as a leader in today’s context and earn the influence to provide accountability.

We cannot assume respect based on our role or position, we must actively earn and maintain it. Once we have earned this respect, it becomes much easier to have honest conversations with our colleagues and provide accountability.

The following was adapted from a post by my good friend, Bill Mann, who writes and speaks on the important topic of inter-generational mentoring. - Jolene Erlacher

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.  John 15:13.

Over 60 years ago, my mother told me that you can count your real friends on one hand.
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I didn’t appreciate her wisdom for a long time, but it’s pretty accurate based on my own experience.  And now studies show exactly that: five is the magic number.
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Of all the things in life that are underrated, I think forming a deep friendship with another person is high on the list. I’ve written posts on how to choose friends, the value of friends and even what real friends do for one another.
C.S. Lewis even commented on the need for friends:

“The safest road to hell is the gradual one . . . the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts. This is why it’s so dangerous to do life alone.” 

Smartphones burst on the scene with the introduction of the iPhone in 2007. After 12 years, we are now getting a look at what havoc it has caused to our relationships. Not surprising (to me, anyway), there has been a decline in true friendships in the past decade.

A recent study showed that social media has made most people’s friendships superficial and shallow. Another study of 3,000 adults concurred.  High social media use affected both the quantity and quality of friendships.

It turns out that our brain limits us as to the number of friends we can digest. The number is 150, including family, according to R.I.M. Dunbar, a Psychologist at the University of Oxford.

To have true connection with your closest five, you need to spend time connecting at least once a week. That takes time, which is another limit on relationships. If you love someone or are married, the number drops to 4.

For the next 15, you need to connect at least once every month, and once a year for the rest of the 150. Interesting stuff. The takeaway is that the more your spend time on a relationship, the stronger it becomes.

Social media doesn’t increase our capacity for friends, and the number stays at 150.  While getting “likes” is gratifying, it doesn’t replace face-to-face conversation.

In other words, if you have more than 150 “friends” on social media, the number above 150 is meaningless.  They are just acquaintances. They are not your friends.

Connecting means some kind of back and forth conversation which takes time. Fast forward to today where WhatsApp, Snapchat, texting, Instagram and Facebook have become platforms for interpersonal communication.
Jean Twenge,  who has researched this area,  has noted that FOMO  and increased use of social media has resulted in less time hanging out with friends. The result: increased loneliness and isolation.

The next generation (18-34) spends upwards of 43% of their digital use on apps, and adults in general spend over half their day interacting with media.  For the next generation, that’s 8 hours a day.

But what is it getting them? Shallower relationships, superficial friends and often loneliness and depression. Certainly not a friend willing to lay down his life for them.

A friend of mine went through a tough patch in his life. He did some pretty bad things which caught up to him.  I spent time with him in the aftermath.  I told him that the good news was that he would really find out who his real friends were.

Those who were shallow would distance themselves and abandon him.  He later came to me and said: “You were right; I now know which friends I can count on.”

This morning, I chatted with a friend, Steve Noble, who has started meeting with some from the next generation. He asked them a couple of questions. The answers didn’t surprise me.

None of them had a close friend that they felt they could call on in need, and none of them ever connected in any meaningful way with someone older.

In a challenging article in Christianity Today, Jen Thorn describes the 6 costs of real friendship:  Time, personal convenience, intimacy, comfort, love and prayer. This is a biblical view of what real friends do for each other. Lest I forget, every study I’ve seen reports that those who have close friendships tend to be happier in life. Nuff said.

I’ve had the good fortune to have close friends, but it has taken effort and intentionality. I’ve met with 2 other men for over 25 years weekly, and we share life together.

Proverbs tells us to seek wise counsel, and we have provided each other with invaluable support, direction and feedback through the years. I count my group as a peer mentor group, although we never gave it that label.

The challenge here is that the next generation is missing out by not having real friends. They need someone to come alongside and help them understand the importance of friends in their life. Real friends are the people who stick by you in the good times and the bad.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY:  In your interaction with your mentee, find out who his friends are (or aren’t), and encourage him to develop close relationships. It may be the best advice you can give him.​
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Read the full post by Bill Mann at his blog.